30 for 30
Quick reflections on three decades of life
Last Sunday, while on vacation in Mexico with my two favorite people, I celebrated a big birthday. I say ‘big’ only because everyone makes 30 into this arbitrary benchmark that you’re either under or over. And now, I’m officially over it.
Do I feel different? Different from what? From last Friday when I was 29.99? No, I’m the same me today (+ a sunburn). But compared to five years ago, a lot has changed. Looking back at where I was on my 25th birthday — crumpled up in my mom’s arms sobbing but saying, “I don’t even know why I’m crying!” — 30 feels infinitely more peaceful.
Today, I’m sharing a list of 30 things I’ve learned in 30 years (Mom and Callie’s idea!). I always read these lists from first wisdom to footnotes, no matter the sharer or their age. I hope you enjoy these random “lessons” that are top of mind at a fresh 3-0.
Take vacations. I used to feel guilty about taking time off, almost like I didn’t deserve it. But now I know I’m reliably quicker, smarter, and more balanced on the other side of a break — and I see it as productive.
Show up when it’s inconvenient. To weddings in other countries, funerals in small towns you’ve never heard of, and goodbye drinks for your favorite coworker even when you’re exhausted from work. It matters.
Feel your emotions, but don’t attach them to your identity. I’ve started changing my language around transient emotions. It’s like, “I have sadness going through me” or “I’m feeling anxious right now,” but I don’t apply fixed labels of identity (I’m sad or anxious.) Low-key huge unlock. A little more on that, here.
Meditate. Too many smart people do this for it not to be worthwhile. I use Insight Timer and do 5 to 10 minutes of guided meditation every morning.
Take the “cool” job. The one that makes you light up when you talk about it. You’ll know it when you find it (and your friends will probably be able to point it out to you).
Let people know you believe in them. Even if you have no idea what they’re doing, let them know you know they’re capable.
Read great minds. Jake Gyllenhaal once told me that all young people should do this.
Be clear and concise. In emails and meetings.
But ramble in your journal. After reading The Artist’s Way, I started writing Morning Pages: a stream-of-consciousness journaling practice where you write whatever comes up. There’s no prompt; you fill three pages (front, back, front) before your feet hit the floor in the morning. It’s a form of release.
Give compliments and praise generously. It’s free and makes you more likable.
Stop thinking about what you eat. Relax, listen to your body.
Stop thinking about boys. Relax, listen to your body.
Floss. Because death creeps in through the gums.
Get your hair wet. Enjoy the ocean, pool, lake, etc.
Ask for what you want. At worst, you’ll get a no. More likely, you’ll get a “not right now.” Most likely, you’ll get a yes.
Be present. One time a guy told me he felt “super present” with me and I thought about it for days afterward. Turned out to be a line lol, but showed me I really value presence.
Ask for advice from those you trust, but trust yourself to make the decision. You know what to do.
Be aware of people who make you feel small. They’re not necessarily bad people but they’re probably not your people.
Remember, beauty is an inside job. No facial or makeup tutorial can make you beautiful if you don’t see it in yourself first.
Accept compliments. You may not believe them at first but try to see yourself how the people you love see you.
Listen with the intent to understand. We all just want to be understood.
Get a therapist, if you need one. If you think you need a therapist, you probably do. If you think you don’t need a therapist…you probably do.
Go first. Send the text or email. Make the call. Let people know how you’re feeling without being prompted.
Do the hard work that feels expansive. But it should never feel punishing.
Don’t be tempted by eyelash growth serum. It will give you a stye that will get infected and make your eyes extra sensitive.
Invest in your one-on-one friendships. This gives you a superpower: a balanced support system.
Sleep as much as you need. Being well-rested is also a superpower.
Find your style. Allow it to evolve in some ways and stay constant in others.
Simple is usually better. Add too much and you lose the essence.
Trust that if you work hard and are kind to people, things will work out.
That was fun! Into 30 already.
Love,
Megan